so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
