The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
