Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm at about main and main street
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
