it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
