is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
