My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
