At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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