Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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