Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
