Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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