We won't sleep together?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
