what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
