i just wanna soil my oats bro
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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