we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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