I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
