so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
