U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
