I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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