We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
