Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
