Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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