how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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