At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
