I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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