are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
