You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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