Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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