So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
