Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
