my sisters under your porch take her home
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
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