He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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