Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
