I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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