im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
