never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
