Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
