There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
