Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
