Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
