If that was your dad, he is hot
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
