She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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