How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I wear drunk well.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I love you.
Bad choice
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
