Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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