I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
