just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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