So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
