"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
