I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
