tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
