I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
