I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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