got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
